I am so sick of being fat. I'm 30 pounds over my pre pre pregnancy weight, that is since before I had my third child. I was breastfeeding The Destroyer boy when I got pregnant so I was still 20 lbs overweight at that time. I never weaned him before I became pregnant so there was never any real weight loss.
I am one of those many whose body defies the laws of science and calories while breastfeeding. Many women do not actually Lise weight while breastfeeding as we are told. I understand the pro breastfeeding campaign wants more women to choose a more natural healthy way to feed their babies but flat out lying to these women just makes them feel like something is wrong with them when they are not losing. Now, I know that there are women for which this is true but these women are not the majority. No, the majority are women like me, fat and unhappy, unable to shed even an ounce until weaning.
My body literally defies the laws if science. Calories in calories out has no meaning. Burning 500 calories a day has no effect. Exercise and hard work goes unrewarded. It's beyond discouraging. I have been getting very depressed. I watch calories eat generally healthy and drink 10 to 12 glasses of water a day. I have kicked it into high gear in hopes that I could still happily breastfeed my toddler without the misery of being so extremely overweight. Alas, not one single ounce has come off of my body. It just doesn't compute. I am consuming far less calories than I am burning and I pee my weight in water each day. What gives? It's enough to make me want to just wean my little Dude but I know he's not ready. It's a miserable existence.
I know from past experience that once I completely wean the weight will drop off. I know this. But because I have been breastfeeding children for over three years without a break I feel like weaning will never happen. Baby Dude is 13, almost 14 months old and I keep telling myself that I'll go until 18 months. Yeah, that's what I said with The Destroyer but he was over two when I finally called it quits. That was due to the fact that nursing both boys was taking too much of a toll on my already exhausted body. He still asks from time to time but I insist that he is a big boy (even though he refuses to potty train, but that's a whole other post). How will I be able to wean Dude when I have been struggling for two weeks to night wean him and he still wakes up fighting and thrashing for boobie?
I keep telling myself that this weight lock is physically impossible and that there has to be some way to shift my body into gear. It's in a breastfeeding starvation mode basically. It's hoarding every calorie and every bit of fat in case of a famine. It's refusing to allow a single precious ounce of fat to be released no matter how hard I work against it. I'm just so so sick of this body. It truly is not fair. I'm doing something great for my child and I feel like I'm being punished for it. I know I'm not alone. I've talked to countless women who say the same things. Even my own doctor said it was completely normal for women to hold on to weight during breastfeeding. So why do I feel like something is wrong with me? It's partly in thanks to all those ads proclaiming the wonders of effortless weight shedding while lactating. It's so unfair!
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