Minus two for July

  So, my parents came from NY to take my two oldest children to stay with them for a month. They left yesterday morning and I won't see them again until August. This is my husband's dream come true. While it sounds like a nice vacation to only have my youngest boys I am actually quite sad. Besides the fact that I still have 3 kids to babysitevery day and no real "break" anyway I miss my daughter so much. Now, obviously I miss my oldest boy but as he has reached "teenagerhood" I actually need a vacation from him. Although, I'm sure I'll miss him after a while, it is a bit of relief. Not having someone to cop an attitude at me, talk back at me, roll his eyes and correct me because he so obviously knows way more at his age than I'll ever know. I used to be the "cool mom"... but I digress.
  My daughter however, is only 11 and not quite at that level yet. She is extremely intelligent and very mature for her age but not yet clouded with the hormonal storm of puberty. Plus, as my only girl we have a bond that none of my boys will ever really have with me. It's a girl thing. She is my most helpful and responsible child and basically my best friend. My husband and I work opposite hours to keep our kids out of daycare and the rest of my family is hundreds of miles away, so she is really the closest person to any adult family member I have to talk to. And every week we watch America's got Talent together and she shakes her head at me in embarrassment when I cry. Lol. I had to pull myself together when talking to my husband on the phone yesterday after explaining that I already missed her. I nearly lost it, but I pulled myself together by reminding myself that it had only been a few hours since she left and if I couldn't make it through a few hours I'd surely be committed in a week or two.
  The house seems so empty and I haven't yet mastered how to scale down from cooking for a small army. The small toilet paper roll has lasted so long, and there hasn't been a shouting match between brother and sister in over 24 hours. I have taken over walking the dog and feeding my daughter's kitten and the dishes aren't overflowing in the sink like they would be by this time. Toys are still strewn about the house but no one is here to help me pick up. I should be grateful, I'm sure the kids are having a great time and boy, am I going to save a lot of money on food this month. Still, it's just a strange feeling not to have all my children here with me. I guess I'm just going to have suck it up for the next five weeks and remember how much I am missing them next time they drive me nuts.

My kids, nicknames and a bit about them

  The qualification for having a mom blog is first and foremost, being a mom. So, of course I couldn't have a mom blog without my kids. They are ultimately my main source of joy and also my main source of torment, especially now that my oldest is a teenager and my second is headed that way. So, in order to include them in my blog, I suppose I should give them some handy nicknames. Well, I have no idea what names to use because a lot of the good ones are taken. I pretty much already have nicknames for the two little boys but my older two are much harder.
  My daughter, my only daughter well, she could certainly be Judy Moody if that wasn't already a popular book and upcoming movie or Debbie Drama most days lately. But beyond all that preteen hormonal drama she is really my biggest helper and she is more responsible than even my oldest. She is always there to lend a hand with the little ones or help clean up, and she always wants to be close to me and imitates a lot of what I do. I think her blog nickname will be "Mini-Mom". My oldest son is at that age where he thinks he knows more than me. He has it all figured out, as most teenagers do. But, I will say that at least he has goals. He wants to join the Marines when he is older and he wants to be a psychiatrist. He loves all things military related as well as magic (he does some amazing things with a deck of cards) and he plays the drums and guitar very well. I am thinking of donning him with the nickname "Soldier boy".
  My three year old has earned the name "The destroyer" since he was old enough to move around on his own. If it can be taken apart, spilled, ripped, dumped, broken, shredded, or crushed, he will or has done it. He just enjoys it. Maybe he will be a mechanical engineer one day. He is also very cunning and shy as well as verbally expressive. The things he says have us rolling and we can never stay mad at him long. My little guy, our very last (unless God has other plans) has always been "Baby Dude" due to the way my Destroyer pronounced his name from the day he was born. It was so cute that it stuck and he's just Baby Dude to us. He has quite the personality, this little guy, he loves to make us laugh and he is always trying to get a chuckle, whether with faces, dances or sounds. He loves attention and he definitely has his ways of getting it.
 So, that's some quick info on the ones that call me Mom. They drive me crazy, but I wouldn't trade them for anything!

(Hardly) Super Mom

I am a working mom of four children (five if you count my husband). Their ages are 13, 11, 3 and 1 year old. We all live in an apartment with two cats, a chihuahua and a aquatic turtle named Sushi. I currently work nights and babysit an additional 3 children by day. In my spare time (haha, yeah, spare time) I like to write poetry and read. I am trying to see if there's any way to throw a blog into the mix. Wish me luck.

My family brings me joy every single day

Everyday when I wake up
And open up my eyes
No matter what the weather brings
My world has sunny skies
Even during hard times
My family is there
The one thing I can count on
Is the love that we all share
My children bring me happiness
My husband gives me love
The joy they bring me every day
Is a true gift from above
There are many things upon this earth
That I certainly enjoy
But without my precious family
They just couldn't bring me joy
Every single thing I do
Is no longer just for me
So with all my heart the things I do
Are for my family

This post is part of SOYJOY‘s. What brings you joy contest. Learn more here.

50 things about me

I borrowed this idea from KateZahn.com, and I hope I can come up with 50!

1. I am dreading my upcoming birthday.
2. I will be turning 29, again.
3. I am a mother of 3 but will be 4 in June.
4. My kids ages are 12, 10, 2 and still waiting for #4
5. I am happily married to a wonderful man.
6. My husband and I work opposite hours to care for our kids.
7. I miss my husband.
8. I love to write, poetry mostly.
9. I love drawing just as much, if not more.
10. I haven't had much time to do either lately.
11. My husband and I had our honeymoon in Paris.
12. I won the trip to Paris in a writing contest sponsored by M&M's.
13. I love entering contests, blog or otherwise.
14. I have very little time to enter any contests.
15. I don't enjoy my job.
16. I long to stay home with my children, but can't.
17. Sometimes, I get depressed.
18. I have great faith that God will see us through.
19. I miss riding my bike.
20. I used to have craft nights with my only daughter.
21. I now work nights and feel guilty about losing that time with my family.
22. We have 1 cat, 1 turtle and are considering a teacup chihuahua in the near future.
23. We live in an apartment in VA
24. Both my husband's family and my own live in different states, far away.
25. I lived in NY for the first 27 years of my life
26. I miss my family and friends, but I like it here.
27. My least favorite chore, doing dishes.
28. I don't keep up with current events.
29. My favorite color is purple.
30. I used to have purple hair.
31. I wish I still could.
32. I feel like I have lost my identity since moving to VA.
33. I have less self confidence.
34. I miss feeling good about myself.
35. I'm tired
36. I'm sarcastic
37. I think most people nowadays are selfish and ignorant.
38. I am a very intellegent person.
39. I am usually optimistic.
40. I am the oldest of five.
41. My youngest sibling is only one year older than my oldest son.
42. I had a painful and confusing childhood.
43. I have an insanely high pain tolerance.
44. I neglect myself a lot.
45. I love coffee.
46. My metabolism sucks!
47. I can't wait to get rid of this body.
48. I actually miss dieting.
49. I forgot what it's like not to be so tired all the time.
50. I am very passionate about music

Mommy is

Mommy is a helper
Mommy is a friend
Mommy is a worker
Whose shift will never end
Mommy is a teacher
Mommy is a nurse
Mommy is always prepared
With the whole world in her purse
Mommy is a fixer
Mommy is a pro
Mommy has two sets of eyes
So Mommy always knows
Mommy is a nurturer
Mommy is the boss
Mommy never ever yells
(Except when she is cross)
Mommy is a student
Mommy never rests
Mommy has the hardest job
Mommy is the best


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Working is hard work!

Working a part time job and taking care of the house is exhausting! My husband and I are currently switching hours and working opposite each other. If absence makes the heart grow fonder than our hearts are pretty darn fond! I am chronically exhausted. I don't know if it's a combination of breastfeeding and working or what, but I am always so tired. It feels like I have been drained. i am old beyond my years. Money is tighter than ever and not working is not an option. I just feel like we are working towards nothing. We aren't getting ahead and I don't think we will be able to anytime soon. Hubby and I barely see each other but at least I know my kids are with one of us at all times. I am left to wonder if this is just how it will always be. Maybe I should just get used to "squeaking by" and working ourselves into an early grave. I wonder is this is it. Life. If this is the rest of our lives. It puts me in a funk. I just need to trust that God will take care of us and that one day it will all be easier. It's hard, but it's all I have.

Can't shake the "blah"

I have just been feeling off lately. I have lost some of the desire to do the things I not so long ago, enjoyed. I am barely enjoying anything anymore. I could possibly attribute this to that monthly disturber of my life. I only just got my first period since giving birth to my now 14 month old about a month ago. I have been breastfeeding and was hoping to avoid getting it until weaning, but mother nature had other plans. I hope it's just hormones.
I don't have any sort of "good" reason for feeling this way. I know money is tight but we are not suffering or going hungry. I also applied for a job, which we need desperately and haven't gotten called back. I was really looking forward to making some money and this job was going to work out so well, since I would have to work around hubby's hours. But even then it's not like there aren't any other jobs i can get. There hasn't been any extra stress lately, just the normal everyday stress.
I used to have a passion for life that seems to have been swept under the rug. My optimism has dwindled and my energy has dipped. I used to look forward to going for walks with my baby and lately I haven't even wanted to leave the house. It's just strange. I don't know how to get out of this funk. It's only been this way for the last 6 weeks or so. I am really trying to feel like my old self again but I'm not sure exactly how. I just feel blah. Where is my passion? My optimism, my rose-colored glasses? I have misplaced them and I checked everywhere I can think of. It's not right.
I may be feeling lost now but I will be found! I will have to get myself out of this funk and back to funky. Just you wait. I am in here somewhere. I just have to come back! Right?

Your Light

When darkness falls another day,
It is your light that leads the way,
Though darkness is not of your hand,
Some things I've yet to understand,
It is my eyes that do deceive,
But in my heart I do believe,
Though eyes see not I shall not fear,
Your truth is always crystal clear,
So lead me while my light is gone,
And I will follow on and on

Soccer mom coming through

Ok so, none of my kids are in soccer but I think I qualify for the title "Soccer Mom". A title I can honestly say I am shocked to fit into. I think when I hear the term "Soccer Mom" I picture a frumpy older minivan driving stressed out woman with a kid in each arm, and one clutching a leg, driving the kids around for all those kid things. I created a little drawing of what a tired soccer om might look like. So, ok most of that is me, I do drive a minivan and occasionally drag a child around by my leg (or else it feels that way) and I do drive the kids around for every little event under the sun. The kicking baby, the tantrum, the apparent lack of sleep in my eyes. Yep, that's me. I just feel like maybe I am the atypical version of the classic Soccer mom. (I like to see myself as an individual, doesn't everyone?). Maybe Soccer mom with a cool twist. I can deal with that. I have that bumper sticker on the back of my minivan to remind me just in case I start to forget. It says "I may drive a minivan but I still Rock!". It's all to let all those on the road know that this minivan is being driven by someone awesome (please let me have my delusions).
Sometimes, I am not as well groomed as I'd like but I try to pull myself together before I leave the house. I shamefully have been known to go grocery shopping in pjs however and some days I squeak by without a shower. Ahhh, That's motherhood at it's finest. But seriously between cooking cleaning, refereeing, and the occasional though not at all private, potty breaks when am I supposed to fit in grooming? Let's not forget the fact that I am a traveling milk bar for a very clingy 1 year old. I am constantly running to pick up kids from after school activities, driving to talent shows, musical events, Romp N Roll, doctor's appointments, and church events. I think that alone throws me into the "Soccer Mom" category. Add all that stuff previously mentioned and Kapow! I guess I am a Soccer Mom after all!
What does it all mean for me? I am living a life I could have never pictured in a million years. Now, don't get me wrong this is just where I want to be. I absolutely love being a stay at home mom whose career is in the hands of those who don't wash their own. I love picking up after a family that should be picking up after themselves and driving to all the events that almost slipped my mind until the last possible minute. The stress is manageable and the kids may actually become self sufficient adults one day. I know how fast it goes so I am just enjoying it now. No, this is never what I pictured but when has my life ever been what I pictured anyway? I think this is better. I get to give my kids the very best gift of all, me! I am there for all their needs and they get my love, attention and time, and when they really start driving me crazy I can always beg dady to take them to the park.